A Mother’s Voice :: What Laryngitis Taught Me About My Voice

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Recently, I had the good luck of losing my voice. Thank you, cold and flu season! As a counselor, having a voice is pretty essential for the job. But what I haven’t appreciated until this experience is how valuable my voice is in my role as a mother. The old saying that “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” rang true.  I couldn’t call for my son to come to dinner. I couldn’t yell for him to stop before touching something dangerous. I couldn’t read him a bedtime story. My “I love you” was simply a whisper. Having a few days without my voice provided the space to contemplate the power that comes from the gift of being able to speak.

The Power of My Voice

A mother's voice - so soothing to her child.
(U.S. Air Force photo by Roland Balik)

Research has shown that a child’s brain lights up in dramatic ways when they hear their mother’s voice, particularly in parts of the brain related to emotions and reward circuits. This comes as no surprise to me as I recall being aware of how my son responded to my voice in the womb and from the early days of his life. He still would prefer to have me read a story to him over his dad, even though I’m no better at the job. My voice holds a unique weight with my son that no one else can carry.

Come to think of it, my voice carries a significant weight with a number of people. My husband. My coworker and clients. My friends and family members. And most of all — myself. I don’t know about you, but I find myself taking this truth for granted and using my voice in mindless ways. Even in harmful ways at times. A few days without it led me to wonder, how can I better use the power of my voice?

My voice holds the power to comfort and soothe. My voice holds the power to correct and teach. And my voice holds the power to criticize and tear down. The choice is always mine. 

Today I will use my voice . . .

  • A mother's voice - so meaningful to her child.I will use my voice to speak love. What could be more important to communicate with my voice than love? My loved ones need to know of my love, and my voice is a conduit for how I communicate this. Words are not all that is needed, but they are essential. I will cover my loved ones with “the L word” as often as I can.
  • I will use my voice to speak joy. Maybe like me, you can find yourself feeling somewhat like a drill sergeant at home. Sure, life feels like herding cats a lot of the time. But if I let the joy leave my voice, the joy begins to leave my home. I have the opportunity to bring more joy into my home by carrying it in my own being and speaking it with my voice. 
  • I will use my voice to speak peace and truth. The way my son hears me speak about other people, about injustice, or about the difficulties I experience all set an example. He is always listening. So it’s my job to teach him how to use his voice for the good of the world. Am I setting an example to speak negativity and hostility, or peace and hope into the world?  

I frequently find myself in moments of feeling frazzled and overwhelmed, speaking in ways that don’t even feel like me. Have you ever had that moment? Something comes out of your mouth and you think, Who was that woman just talking? Surely I would never say that. Maybe it sounds like your own mother. Maybe it sounds like an alien. These are not my most proud parenting moments, but no matter how hard I try, that voice still is present. Any expectation that I should use my voice in gentle, uplifting ways at all times is simply a lie from our culture’s attempt to fit women into a perfect mold. All we can do is continue doing the best we can with what we have. Set an intention for how you hope to speak, and keep coming back to that intention as often as needed.

Your voice is beautiful, unique, and crafted for your own healing and the healing of the world. Let no one diminish it or tell you it needs to be smaller. Use it well, use it wisely. No one can use your voice but you.

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Katie R
Katie, a native Alabamian, came to Birmingham in 2012 to pursue a master's from UAB in Mental Health Counseling. She works as a Licensed Professional Counselor in her practice, Present Wellness Counseling, LLC, as well as in a residential treatment center for substance abuse. She and her husband were married in 2007 and have a son, Harpin, who's been keeping them busy since 2016. She is learning daily how to bridge her child development background with real-life motherhood moments, and she is excited to share these experiences with her BMB readers. Katie loves any time spent outside, loves opening her home to share meals with friends, and loves her faith community. She practices yoga and Reiki, and leads meditation groups for developing self-compassion. You can find out more about her practice and her upcoming community trainings at her website, PresentWellnessCounseling.com.