The Worst LASIK Patient Ever!

LASIK corrective eye surgery. Have you done it? When I was in eighth grade, we read The Diary of Anne Frank at school. I remember hearing the Nazis made people in the concentration camps give up their eyeglasses. “Well, I’d be screwed,” I thought. I knew if I ever had to go to a concentration camp, they’d kill me because I wouldn’t be able to work without glasses (I was nearly blind pre-LASIK, just so you know). Who thinks like that??! Apparently my crazy eighth grade self. I bet NO ONE else in the history of LASIK has used that as a reason for undergoing the laser!

I also knew if I ever had babies, I’d want to see them be born and not have to worry about removing my contacts or wearing glasses during labor.

I Promise, I’m Not Nuts!

A few years ago, my good friend became the office manager at a vision center that could perform LASIK on me at the “friends and family rate.” I jumped at the chance. Until my husband heard some people develop the feeling of needles sticking in their eyes the rest of their lives, and he made me read about the all risks on the Internet (never research surgeries on the Internet. Just sayin’.). And until a coworker told me, “Oh, I could never do that! I’m assuming you think it’s worth the risk?” There’s also a King of Queens episode where Doug buys Carrie LASIK with a discount coupon. Needless to say, it did not go well…I was such a nervous wreck about it after that, that my friend at the vision center actually had the doctor call me on the phone and talk me down before I even agreed to come in for a consultation! And he assured me he’d never personally had anyone go blind. Comforting. So for two weeks leading up to the procedure, I had to wear glasses (instead of contacts) to prepare my eyes for surgery, and I set about memorizing Joshua 1:9 to have in my back pocket so to speak. That way I could recite it to myself over and over while my eyes were lasered. Because, you know, you have to be awake. And have your eyes open…while someone LASERS them!! “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Just Give Me My Valium Already

The day came; I got my valium and laid down. I quoted Joshua 1:9 over and over while the doctor did his thing. It was all in all about a minute or two in length (yet it felt MUCH longer!), and all I could think about when it was over was, “I’m not blind!! Yippee!!” I guess I should’ve been offended that BOTH my husband and my friend (the office manager) later told me separately they thought I’d chicken out. Gee, thanks!
Funnily enough, three years later to the very day, I was in labor….and I gotta say–I’d rather go through labor than go through LASIK again! But that’s just me! Although being able to see clearly as my baby was born made it all worth it, I wouldn’t change a thing. Have you had LASIK? What were your reasons? I’m quite sure they’re less bizarre than mine!

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