It was October, but still hotter than hot in good ole Birmingham, AL. Half awake, I stumbled into my bathroom to brush my teeth and shower before my baby woke up for the day. The second the toothpaste hit my mouth, I gagged. Oh, crap …. the last time that happened …… must just be a fluke, so I spit the toothpaste out and rinsed. After a quick shower, I went straight for my morning coffee but quickly realized that my routine coffee tasted “off”. Oh dear Lordy… I attempted to count the days 34 … maybe 36, 37?! Alarms start going off in my head, as I realize I was “late”. Dang it!!
They say there are 5 stages of grief, and the first one is denial.
Denial – This one was quick to creep into my thoughts as I convinced myself that “late” meant nothing. I was still breastfeeding, had only had one cycle since my last baby, and my little tot had JUST turned one! Oh denial, you were my friend those first few days after the tooth brush gagging incident. Despite all the “signs”, I still held tied to the notion that I was not, in fact, unexpectedly knocked up.
Ready or not, the test was positive. I began to realize that I did, in fact, have a bun in the oven, even though I hate to bake and rarely use my oven. My toddler sat on the floor of the bathroom playing with the pregnancy test box and laughing, as if he got what the heck had just happened and was laughing more at me than with me. Oh, the maternity clothes! I hate them all! I wanted to burn them by the end of my last pregnancy, and now I’m going to be forced to wear them again! Oh, the nausea! I can’t function with nausea and a toddler constantly on my hip!!
Acceptance – Newborns are so sweet, and I will get the chance to snuggle a new one all over again. They will probably be best friends because of their close age gap. Maybe I could get a double BOB! Oh, man, surely this test is faulty and its not really positive. (Denial was a hard stage to move through!)
Anger – Oh, that husband of mine! I am going to kill him! His next birthday present might very well be a vasectomy! Oh wait, I always wanted a big family, so that might not work. Never mind, I am going to blame that lactation consultant. She raved about how breastfeeding was a great birth control. Apparently not since I have my 12 month old who is glued to my boob 10 times a day, and I still got knocked up! Wait till I see her this next go ’round …..
Bargaining – If I take another test and it is negative, I promise to get some legit birth control. I will even keep taking it “as prescribed”, even though it makes me fat, and I’ll never feel like having sex again. No sex and legit birth control – that should do the trick!
Depression – The ugly cry. Remember hearing this term from Oprah? I am pretty sure she must have somehow witnessed my snotty nosed, sobbing self and thought “Now that girl right there, she is more than crying. She is ugly crying.” My husband witnessed the ugly cry and thought for sure someone had died, but nope – just unexpectedly knocked up!
Here is the thing: Sometimes pregnancy catches a girl off guard. It even catches her OB/GYN off guard, “Didn’t I give you a perscription?!” Please, my toddler ripped that up before we made it out of the lobby! Remember I am breastfeeding so its all good! (Insert anger stage back at said lactation consultant!)
Regardless, the story ends with such a fresh, beautiful baby boy, and the simple scent of his newness makes you forget all the curse words you said, the vasectomy threats, and even how miserable those last few weeks of pregnancy were. I have heard it called baby amnesia. You forget all the bad and just fall in love with your new bundle of joy. I am here to tell you that the story ended so happily that I didn’t even ugly cry the next TWO times I unexpectedly got knocked up – again and then again!
Sometimes, the best rides are the fastest ones that take you on unexpected twist and turns, leaving you dizzy but wanting more. 4 kids in 5 years was my ride, and boy did it leave me dizzy! Did I mention they were ALL boys?! That’s for another post …….