I Am Not Cool (Anymore)

Life has many phases. Some are so subtle, it’s hard to know that a phase is even existent. And some are as subtle as a purple giraffe wearing high heels. Years ago, I thought being excited about buying my first washer and dryer set was a crazy phase of adulthood that somehow made me slightly uncool. I look back at that moment and think about how far off the mark I was. I mean, what’s uncool about clean clothes? I guess that time in my life could be considered a subtle stage of adulthood. At that time, I could still relate to the younger generation. I was in my 20’s (I was the younger generation), still single, and I knew who famous rappers were.

Nowadays, I’m in my 30’s, married, and I have no clue who all these rappers are with really hard-to-pronounce names. I guess I am just not cool. It’s not only music I’ve been having a hard time with. It’s fashion (I’m looking at you, Kanye . . . hey! A rapper I know!), it’s trends I just can’t get behind (man buns and coffin nails), it’s slang that all the young whipper snappers are using. I had to Google what a DM (direct message) was while I yelled at children to get off my lawn once. Okay, only that first part is true. My lawn isn’t off-limits to kids . . . yet.

I’ve been trying to ignore all of the glaring manifestations that make up this phase, but it’s painfully obvious that my coolness factor is waning. And I’ll let you in on a little secret . . . I’m unapologetically embracing the un-coolness. I enjoy going to bed by 9:00 p.m., Target is my jam, and I love a coupon. Younger me is hashtag face-palming right now.   

Snapchatting is cool!

When my coworkers (who happen to be in their early 20’s and are kid- and spouse-free) talk about their weekend plans, I usually don’t have much to contribute — not because I don’t have plans. Oh, I have plans! Mama is going to Target to cash in on their Spend-$100-on-Baby-Supplies-Get-a-$20-Gift-Card promo! Pair that with formula rebate checks and the savings of using my Red Card, and I have a little bit of green left over to spend on a bottle of wine. That sounds like a bomb diggity weekend, if I do say so myself. I’ll go ahead and brush my shoulders off like Jay-Z (he’s a famous rapper, if you didn’t know) spits beats about. Is my coolness increasing?  

I was catapulted into this phase by motherhood, but I kind of love it and I can’t believe it all at the same time. I’ve always been the social, glass-of-wine-holding (this still applies), fun-time girl. And that stage of my life was awesome. I have some really great memories from when I used to know who rappers were, but if I compared quality to quantity, this purple-giraffe-wearing-high-heels phase of my life wins, hands down.

And to all the parents who know what I’m talking about, I’ll meet you at The Bulls-eye this Saturday. 😉

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