I have a confession to make. I don’t like to cuddle, snuggle, or hold hands. I’m not overly sensitive. In fact, I’ve been told I’m not sensitive enough by the opposite sex. This has been on my mind a bit lately, as I’m expecting my first child and I’m halfway through this pregnancy. The most emotional shift I’ve experienced has been crying at anything mom-related — commercials, articles, movies, etc. That’s about it, though.
I observe moms who are exhausted, completely consumed with their babies and totally into cuddling them every moment, despite that extreme fatigue, and I’m not sure if I will be that kind of mom. Maybe that switch hasn’t been turned on inside me yet, because while I’m so excited that I’m going to have a baby, I’m also really excited to be able to get back to my life as much as possible. Is that naive? Probably.
I’ve never been one to say no to myself. If I want something, I give it to myself. Wine? Sure, have two glasses! A new outfit? Girllll, yes! It’s on sale! An unnecessary house decoration? That one wall really needs some oomph!
I understand the concept of giving your all to your child, from an outsider’s perspective. I know that babies are exhausting. Everyone keeps telling me that. Everyone. I get it. I don’t live under a rose-colored rock. But I also believe in not ignoring myself. Am I being too harsh? I don’t know! I keep telling myself, “I’m not that mom. I won’t do that.” This is coming from the woman who misses her dogs while they’re at the groomer. The house feels lonely without them and so does my heart (that sounds so pathetic — haha!).
Will I give up a lot of who I am because I have a baby? Will the emotional switch inside me flip soon? Will it take holding him to change everything? Does this happen to all moms, or is it just me that feels this way? I’m a little worried.sw3 I don’t think there’s a right way to feel, but I also don’t think that my brainwaves are on the same length as my mommy friends.
I probably sound quite selfish to some right about now. And maybe I am. I’m certain I’ll be caught cuddling my baby when he should be sleeping and I’ll have to skip having a beloved glass of wine every now and then to admire this little life that I’ve created, but I can’t forget myself in all of this. Parenting is hard, right? I don’t want to lose myself in motherhood.
Savannah Guthrie of the TODAY show recently said, “I don’t think you can do this job of parenthood without caffeine, a little wine, and dessert.” Girl, I am totally on board with that statement!
I’m hoping that all of this doesn’t come back to bite me, and I’m hoping all of these somewhat irrational worries go away. I’m also hoping that I can be a mom who loves her son with all she has while not forgetting herself (without feeling selfish for wanting some me time). I’ll have to follow up in a year to let you know how life with a baby is going for me. With any luck, I’ll have a group of friends to go enjoy that wine and dessert with every few weeks.
Does this resonate with you? What changes did you experience when you became a mom?
Oh my gosh, I worried about this too. For me, I changed a little bit but mostly I’m just not a cuddler mom. I’m affectionate, more with my child than I’ve ever been. But not holding her all the time or letting her sleep on me or in my bed. I like my space and she seems to also. Although she is much more physically affectionate. Also, if she wants cuddles, she goes to dad not me! He’s her cuddle buddy. Everybody is different and you don’t have to be constantly focused on or holding your child to be a good mom. you’ll be a great mom because you took the time to consider how this would reflect on your parenting.
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