Saying Goodbye to Mothering an Only Child

My only child will soon become a big brother . . .

Saying goodbye to mothering an only child - just Quinn and Mommy for almost five years

With the arrival of a child, whether through pregnancy, surrogacy, or adoption, there’s always anxiety. 

What will this new child be like? How will you adjust to motherhood? Will this child drastically change the dynamic of your family? Will there be any underlying factors that could make your child’s future unsure?

As I get closer and closer to my due date (less than a week away!), my mind has shifted to: what’s this new child going to do to my son? How will I change from a mother of one, to a mother of two? Will my patience grow or shorten? Will I still have time for all the things my firstborn loves to do? Can I still make him feel loved with a new baby in the house?

Just the Two of Us

For almost five years, it’s been the “Quinn and Mommy Show”. I’ve spent more time with my son than I have my own husband most weeks. We have our own system of give and take. We have a routine. And when the day allows me to be carefree, I typically spend it doing the things my son wants to do.

saying goodbye to mothering and only child - Quinn and Mommy

Sure, you could say I’ve spoiled him. But what parent hasn’t spoiled their firstborn?

Now, the panic . . .

A new baby is coming. A BABY! Someone who will require the majority of my time, energy, money . . . even my body!

Is it selfish to wonder how this new tiny person will affect my relationship with my son? My firstborn? A person whom I consider to be a best friend?!

*Insert face palm emoji*

It does seem ridiculous. But these are real fears that I know many women have faced and overcome.

My mom was terrified she could never love another child as much as she loved me. But then my siblings were born, and when I asked her about her fears, she responded with words I think about every time my anxiety gets the best of me:

“The love is different. Of course I love all my children, but each of my children are different, and I love them in different ways. How you needed to be loved and how I raised you are not the same ways I raised them. Each child brings something different out of you, and I never felt that I loved one more than the other. I need all of you to be the mom I am now”.

Moms, how did you feel with the arrival of children after your firstborn?

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2 Responses to Saying Goodbye to Mothering an Only Child

  1. Katrina Henry August 9, 2018 at 12:57 pm #

    Do you feel you raise your children how you were raised? I have to agree with your Mothers advice. Do you feel your relationship with your Mother/Father/husband help you to be the mother you are? As a young mother of two I find myself making a list on the likes and dislikes of both parents and instilling the likes and trying to avoid the dislikes. Having a rocky relationship with my Mother, I find myself struggling on should I allow her in my children’s lives? Having my second is a struggle because my insecurities creep up more. I want my children to know all family. Maybe this is a postpartum anxiety?

    • Brittany Bertram August 11, 2018 at 3:14 pm #

      Hey Katrina!
      Thanks for the comment. I don’t raise my children at all the way I was raised. My mom tried her best but fell short in a lot of ways. My husband has had the most influence with the type of parent I am (he was raised in a very healthy environment whereas I was not). I made a like and dislike list before I even had kids on what I wanted to be like with regards to how my parents raised me. As far as who has a relationship with my children, my father and his whole side of his family are not allowed contact with my kids. They are so toxic and hurt me in so many ways that I feel it’s best that my children don’t even know they exist. I feel it’ll be more appropriate for my children to know my history with my father when they are older and can comprehend the decision I made for them with regards to not knowing that side of the family. I hope my experience helps you!
      Brittany

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